They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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