I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
