omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
foreskin is a definite game changer
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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