Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
