yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
