In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
