2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
