I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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