Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
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