So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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