the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
