1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize