So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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