I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
