tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize