I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
