i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
