i love accidental penises.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
