that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
