you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
she pinky promised me she was 18
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
