I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Damn victory sex feels great
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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