She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
