I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
