apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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