Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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