Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
