think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
