tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
