i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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