This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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