dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
