things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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