I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
