Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
