My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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