you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
hell yes lets make some ravioli
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
