Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
