If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize