worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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