dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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