I'm gonna have a badass scar
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
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