So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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