I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
