Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
