so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
