Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
he shaved USA in his pubs
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize
