You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
