sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I still have a little drunk in my system
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Randomize
