she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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