I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I will be naked everywhere
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
