currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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