I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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