SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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