it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
