I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm at about main and main street
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
