she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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