im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
