ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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