I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
