So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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