I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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