we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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