there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
